Me, Not Me

I write and rewrite, delete again and again. I will not betray you. We still share the same root. I'm still badly hurt.

"I get my hopes up, and I watch them fall, everytime. Another colour turns to grey, and it's just too hard to watch it all, slowly fade away. "

I chewed on every words you said. You might not be aware that, but every word that you spurted out 'unconsciously', stung. Please, don't act like how you were used to, you're not a little child anymore. Grow up. I keep on saying you childish is because you're showing immature attitude that you don't realise. Yeah, caring is sharing. What a joke Kenshin told! At least it's not true on you. I'm forced to spit it all out here because I have no one to go to, and I'n pinching myself, trying to hold back the tear that's goin to flow down my cheek. FUCK!

Great. My image is gone again. You have a good position this year, second to that unwanted virgin who make me loose my grips.

Why am I always the one showing that I'm hurt?! Can't I just be stronger and keep everything inside? I hate exposing myself to others! How to own a mask like everyone else do? I'm actually envy. With a mask, one can hide one's deepest sorrow and weaknesses inside, better than to expose it to someone else which doesn't aid in anything but draws only shame to oneself. I will have one, someday. I know I will, even if it takes time.

The rain has stopped. The anger has faded. It's time to move on, and be strong.

One of JF's motto :
PIck yourself up, dust yourself off, learn the lesson and move on.

Darn, it reminds me of the stupid old virgin. Argh, how rude, I know. I told myself I will leave you some 'souvenir' before I leave school. Be surprised.