I’m alone in block 6. Broadband crashed with unknown reasons
and I have only 2GB mobile data to survive through the month. I’m too lazy to take it to repair but feel
wasted because I still have to pay for it this month. To go, or not to go. The fork.
Sent off Justin at KLIA, it was my first time. (Missed the
chance to see off David, which is probably the only one I really care about.
Childhood brother. Bestie in a weird and
almost non-related chemistry.) I actually wanted it to be a surprise so he
would be disappointed that nobody saw him off then wa-la but guess I forgot to
take into account the assurance of others’ acknowledgement. Still, yes, he
cried! Hahahaha. Not that I’m being mean or insensitive, but that’s one of the
reasons I want to be there, to witness ‘love’ and ‘being loved’. True enough, when
a person’s barrier is melted, you see the pure genuine feelings pouring like a
baby’s response when being carried away from mom. Okay, I over exaggerated a
lil bit. He wept like a man. J
You can tell he’s closer to his dad through the passionate hug.
Seeing another friend of mine leaving Malaysia to be one
step nearer to what they want for in their lives, I can’t help but reflecting
back on my own life. How have I been throughout my years in KL? What have I
achieved so far? Have I finally decide which field I want to be focusing on? There’s
so many things you want to learn but you can’t do them all, which one do I go
for? Am I just going to stick to Plan A that leads to less adventurous yet salary-promising
routine? I’m a person who likes to venture. I wanted to so much to enjoy the
present but dread to take the risk and sacrifice the fun because of not-promising
future, societal pressure. Aimless.
The debate starts.
Life is full of unknown. We can’t expect to grasp every
little detail about it and refuse anything that has a possibility of failing.
An infant will not be able to walk if he fears falling. Hurting is a process
that makes people grow and be better. Easier said than done. Yes, what other
choice do you have? I know myself well, I know my problems. I’m still confused,
undecided and lack of concern. The question is, what are you gonna do? Even too
lazy to figure out. Sort things out, or suck it up. At fork.
God vs Human. Can’t we please both? Morality can be a vague
issue. Either to turn away from yourself or to turn away from more industrious
growth? Let’s weigh the pros and cons,
you say? S : crowded, kindness overload, fun-packed schedule, more directed
spiritual growth. P : opportunity to serve, kindness overload, meaningful
act/reaching-out. S – less opportunity, reliable dependence leaving, whole new
adaptation. P – lack of youth gathering,
Surrounded by talented and great people, sometimes I feel
useless. Blogging had quickly become popular because people need an escape from
the reality. Sharing in a space where people from your circle of concern are
not notified or anonymously provides voice to the voiceless, sense of secure to
the insecure, attention to the neglected. I think that is why people tend to be
frank and truly honest about their feelings and not embarrassed to admit the
weakness and ugly confessions in them. This also explains the situation when
people tend to tell a third party about their problems.
And writing helps many, including me. Though I dislike how I
would start off with a topic then digress from one after another, leaving out
many other sharing I would like to scribble on my web-diary, I like how it diverges my attention and
leaves my emo-ness behind. It’s like pushing off my troubles aside and see the
road as clear again. I know turning my back on them is not productive but at
this point of time, I don’t really want to bother about it. Send forth fog,
walk on.
